Hyper-Vigilance as a Comfort

I guess I am putting a lot of this out there, the low level anxiety… that’s because it’s something I am really trying to understand. I don’t have crippling panic attacks, I lead a fairly high-functioning life, but I am trying to work on these visceral reactions within basically any relationship I have … And trying to understand why there is this constant state of checking to see if I have done something “wrong,” which strangely also feels like a place I am comfortable in. Today in therapy we talked about what that hyper-vigilance / anxiety physically looks and feels like. I said it was dark and sticky. But I also realized tonight that it comforts me, it’s a defense mechanism, one that isn’t needed any more, but still wants to hold me tight when it thinks I am threatened or when I am feeling vulnerable. I’m going to work on comforting it, instead of letting it comfort me. At least all of this gives me good fodder for muses 🙂